NO, you ignorant bitch. I’ve been at it for months, and I plan to carry on. it’s a fucking addiction and I’m even having withdrawal symptoms because my teacher will check me tomorrow, and my therapy on Wednesday. I’m so glad I have my own secret razor now, so you won’t be able to threaten me about taking stuff away. I swear, half the time she’s my trigger when she says stupid things like that. see if you think it’s stupid when I finally lose it.

She seemed close to tears. She said she’ll check me on Monday to check for new ones. I want to cut so bad right now. But I don’t want to let her down

I hate my scars because they remind me how fucked up and mentally insane I am. I love my scars because they remind me that I’m still something.

Maybe I never was. But the cuts are the only thing that makes me feel better, while the scars taunt me that I started because I wanted control, but now I’m not in control of this either.

I know it hurts when you see those you love and care for near tears, or in tears, at your scars and cuts. You shouldn’t feel like a horrible person about it, though. You can’t help their reactions, and no matter what we do in life, there’s going to be times we get hurt, and where we hurt others. But if they truly love you, they’ll accept it. I know.

J & I used to self-harm. He’s a couple years clean, and I was about a week or two clean once him and I met, and it hurt him so badly - knowing I harmed. And he told me that every time I cut, it’ll hurt him deeply - but if I did, he’d still love me. Same thing goes with a few friends of mine.

If they cry, it means they care - they’re hurting knowing you hurt. It’s hard to see it that way, I know, and it’s all depending on how you view it. I’m not telling you that you have to change the way you see it, I’m saying that it’ll make things easier for some.

I’m not sure if any of that made sense at all….but I hope I got my message across without sounding like an idiot.

-T

That after 10 years i cant admit that it controls me. its so hard to feel better when there is no one/ no one who wants  to talk, no one who is there. all i want is someone to be there. someone who understands, who doesnt judge. i want help, but after so many years its hard to keep up the hope that help is coming.